4 years,
and ive been waiting
for life
to bear its teeth.

for inevitability
to
bite
my heels.

and it has.

4 years,
and i think
youre finally
gone.

now i wish i had more pictures.
more
reminders.

of the way your hands smell.

smoky fingertips
i put
to my lips.

i wish there were somehow
ways
to capture it.

i wish i could hold
your hair in my hands.

your head on my chest.

i wish i could remember.

i am touching my face.
trying to imagine
how my cheeks
and lips
burned
from yours.

your face rough,
shadows of stubble.

i wish i would have pressed it against mine
harder.

i wish i would have
breathed
deeper
into your chest.

studied your breath.

maybe i could mimic it now.

maybe i could somehow
feel warm
without your
hands
around me.

some memories remain.

still fresh.

like your
teeth
on my bottom lip.

your calloused hands
on my face.

pushing my hair away.

i feel a shaking now.
a rustling inside.

my thoughts are shifting.
blowing away
like these pages.

and i lose them.

i feel the wind
on my face.

my heart beats.

my fingers bend,
at the thought
of your touch.

and my body weeps.

and my eyes are dry.

and my lips curl,
to hold your
name
from


escaping.